This is something that never would have happened without the trials that my husband and I have endured together. Another victory for me has been that I found the confidence in myself to apply for nursing school at age 34 with four kids also in school. I have found joy in following this dream that I thought I had given up a decade ago when I didn t get accepted back in 2010. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc., then the call of the addict has served its purpose and deserves appreciation. This replaces shameful behavior with self-nurturing and healthy attachment. The relationship we thought was safe now feels painful and threatening. This profound and sudden change in our sense of security and connection sends our bodies into panic and lights up the fear center in our brain like a giant Christmas tree. When our fear center goes into overdrive our ability to think and reason diminishes quickly and our ability to function takes a nose dive. When I first began a journey toward recovery I intellectually understood the concept and need for surrender but found it difficult to get to the heart of true surrender. Until 1543, the accepted understanding of the universe put the Earth at the center with all other celestial bodies circling it. This thinking aligns with our instinctual tendency to see, and put, ourselves at the center of our universe. Trusting your husband again should not be forced but should come naturally as he follows the boundaries set during the recovery process. Trust rebuilding takes time and should be based on his behaviors and commitment to change. Setting boundaries is a starting point, and as your marriage progresses and trust is rebuilt, these boundaries can evolve. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help.