It is impossible to forgive if the other side has not earned forgiveness. Your partner may be stuck here. A couples therapist that sends your partner to heal alone with me or another therapist sends them towards failure and more self-blame. In reality, they just need to seek healing with you. One day at a time. Stopping sexual behaviours Admitting there's a problem is the first step to coming out of denial. Once the addiction is admitted, the next step is to stop addictive behaviours. Just as an alcoholic must stop drinking alcohol, a sex addict must stop all sexual acting out behaviours. Sometimes these behaviours are obvious, like no more sex outside of marriage, but sometimes they are subtle, like flirting. Hope For Addiction RecoveryWhen these behaviors come, porn or sex addiction treatment should be sought and not delayed due to unrealistic justifications and rationalizations. In essence, the only difference between a heroin addict and a cocaine addict is the way the drug enters the system. The brain responds to information received from the eye quicker than from any other source. Each phase of the journey involves purifying, grinding down, shedding and brushing away unhealthy attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. The hero s journey brings the betrayed to a state of purity and clarity. Eckhart Tolle described the dark night of the soul as a collapse of the perceived meaning that the individual gave to their life. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. For couples who seek to heal these hurts, we know that there needs to be a new foundation built from telling the truth the whole truth. We call this process full disclosure. I (Debbie) work with wives and partners of men who struggle with being relationally faithful.