In recent years research by psychologist Barbara Steffens, Ph.D. has led to a new assessment model that differs in both its assessment and its methods of treatment for the spouse. Her studies conclude that on discovering sex addiction, spouses are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than co-dependency. You should also feel hope, though. The study found that patients really did recover after this long period of time. It takes so long because sex addiction is complicated and there are underlying reasons why you develop these compulsions. In order to really be free of the addiction, you need to do the work over a long period of time. Essentially, if your couples therapist says, Go get more help on your own, they are effectively deeming you a lost cause. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. This confirms your worst fears about your worth as a partner and kicks you when you re down. If our partner s attempt to meet our need is not able to satisfy that need, we get active in our hoop to get that need met in a way that honors our need and is congruent with our vision for who we want to be. So, if our need was for safety, support, confidence in our work and movement/change, what are ways we can offer that to ourselves? If you had asked him how long he d been an invalid I m sure his answer would have been all of my life! Some issues come into our lives, that while discomforting or disruptive, tend to be short-term. An example might be a toothache that doesn t allow you to sleep, concentrate, or even go about your normal routine. The discovery of infidelity, deception and trickery causes a shattering of all that defined the betrayed partner s life. Their accomplishments, activities and everything they considered important feels like they have been invalidated. At the bottom of the abyss, however, is salvation. The blackest moment is the moment where transformation begins.