Holiness Means Dying to Sin The Bible uses the metaphor of death to describe a Christian s relationship with sin. This can be difficult to understand. What does it mean to be dead to sin? Among other things, dying to sin means taking practical steps to remove opportunities for temptation. It means confessing your struggles to another person (Hebrews 3:13, James 5:16). Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. Essentially, if your couples therapist says, Go get more help on your own, they are effectively deeming you a lost cause. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. He is an experienced administrator and clinical supervisor as well as a seasoned clinician. Scott has management and leadership certifications from the University of Notre Dame and Cornell University. Scott is currently a program director for Arbor Counseling Center in Gurnee, Illinois. The views expressed in Counseling Today are those of the authors and contributors and may not reflect the official policies or positions of the editors or the American Counseling Association. Putting in the Work in Sex Addiction Recovery The process of recovery for sex addicts involves identifying those behaviors such as obsessive masturbation, pornography use, anonymous sex, exhibitionism, etc. that take you out of yourself and away from those around you, acknowledging the behaviors as a problem and finding sobriety by eliminating those behaviors before they show up. The main goals of boundaries are not to turn into your spouse s parole officer or to seek revenge. Instead, they serve to: Rebuild trust. Provide space for your healing. Offer concrete goals and standards for his recovery. In the initial stages of crisis, demanding obedience might be necessary, but demanding obedience in the long term can sabotage trust rebuilding. In his insightful book, The Mind and the Brain, Dr. Jeffery Schwartz explains the differences between the mind and the brain. There is a continuous interplay between both parts, and each may have a powerful influence on the other. The mind and the brain work simultaneously to bring meaning to life. The mind, or spirit, is the electrical intelligence in this physical-chemical body and brain.