When I experienced this, in seconds, the person who I depended on and was deeply connected to went from being a source of support and companionship to being a source of pain, fear and deep uncertainty. My relationship, which had created a stable base from which I was able to operate in the world, was suddenly a rickety, wobbly mess. Reassurance That You Have Changed, and Your Top Priority Is to Help Her Heal It will be necessary to share how you are changing and what you are working on to focus on your recovery and her healing (You do not want to be cocky or arrogant. Instead, you want to gently remind her that you will work diligently to build back her trust in you). He admitted that this problem started as a young teenager with no restrictions to television or the internet. In those early days of this heartache coming to light, there were multiple relapses, dishonesty, denial, and an eventual separation. Tangible Solutions In addition to the help of professionals, we needed a tangible solution to a problem with a very specific technological outlet. This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. So, we identify: I probably have a need . Step 2: Second, we learn to articulate our need in a hearable way. There are two parts to communication: 1) saying it in a hearable way, and 2) being in a posture to receive. Soon, there are three key things you ll know and understand: Who is actually positioned to help hurt partners heal infidelity pain? Who may not help aid betrayal trauma recovery? What must be done when partners are unable to move past the emotional pain. Why are these points important? Because so many betrayed partners are wounded and longing for relief without proper care, validation, or support. Cathy s brain is spinning, and her emotions are all over the map. She feels embarrassed and alone, disconnected and detached from reality. She questions whether her entire relationship has been an enormous lie. She questions her attractiveness, her sexuality and her ability to ever trust anyone again.