Do Christians in the 21st century still need to be holy? If so, what exactly does this mean? Specifically, what does holiness mean in the context of struggles with pornography? I suspect most people have a vague understanding of holiness that it has something to do with God, that it probably means there are some things they should or shouldn t do. Essentially, if your couples therapist says, Go get more help on your own, they are effectively deeming you a lost cause. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. This confirms your worst fears about your worth as a partner and kicks you when you re down. Darrin Ford explains in his Isomorphic Path to Intimacy that to gain intimacy as a couple it needs to begin with self-intimacy, and furthermore, partners need to practice distress tolerance and be present with the uncomfortable emotionality that is an inevitable outcome of a partner s natural state manifesting from the betrayal. Or, more broadly speaking, this can be defined as: Dependence on the needs of or control by another.1 However, while in most addictions the assumption can be made that the partners are co-dependent, or at least the addict s partner had co-dependent behaviors, this is not necessarily so in the case of sex addiction. Empathy Breeds Connection By Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW, CCPS-S, CSAT, PCC Empathy is the needed ingredient in relationship building and is an essential requirement when repairing betrayal. Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. If you are struggling to control your impulses when it comes to sexual behaviors, you may need to get professional help. The good news about sex addiction treatment is that many experts believe that you can recover from it. The bad news is that the process that leads to true recovery can take several years of dedicated work.