John Townsend define boundaries as personal property lines that separate what s your responsibility (feelings, attitudes, choices, and behaviors) from what s your spouse s responsibility. Boundaries provide a framework for your husband to take responsibility for his own healing journey and give you the space to focus on your healing, which is equally important for the marriage s recovery. Representing the feeling partners in the United States can feel, after finding the right guidance to handle betrayal trauma recovery. Schedule a free consultation today. Are you in that place? It s okay to wonder how and when you will feel better and stronger. Are you contemplating therapy as a means of getting over the pain and through the confusion? To the Partner: I recognize that the AVR formula will sound scripted and rote. I promise you he does not know how to empathize, so he must learn the skills before it becomes natural to him. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. I felt completely unprepared for the long battle ahead. He felt like he was spiraling out of control and absolutely could not stop compulsively (and secretly) viewing pornography. He started therapy and support meetings, but the addiction still felt heavy and impossible. He admitted that this problem started as a young teenager with no restrictions to television or the internet. This benefit of getting some forward momentum is captured in an old recovery saying that "it's easier to stay sober than to get sober". The Role of Masturbation in Sexual Sobriety You may be wondering how masturbation relates to the concept of sexual sobriety, especially for people without sexual partners. Checking in as often as necessary with a Sponsor (a sex addict who is sober, is a member of SAA, and continues to work his program in order to remain sober). Therapy with a counselor who has undergone rigorous training to earn the designation of Certified Sex Addiction Therapist3 (CSAT) status. The realization that it takes time and allegiance to the program and to God, (aka the Higher Power in 12-step groups) in order to achieve sobriety.