This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital. As a sex addict learns that others have gone down the same road and have begun to heal, despair ebbs away and hope returns. 5. Healing shame There is healthy shame and unhealthy shame. Healthy shame occurs when I have done something wrong, like lying, and I feel shame about it. Sometimes, sex addiction develops during or after substance abuse. Abuse of stimulants and the intense sexual desire that can accompany these drugs can jumpstart a pattern of compulsive sexual behavior, and sexual addiction can also become a substitute addiction for people who are in the process of quitting an addictive substance. Your reactivity decreases and your distress acceptance takes the charge out of the fear equation. The secondary gain is that you begin to apply this constructively compassionate mindset to others as well. The Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model incorporates these skills to help you to become less reactive to your environment and the reality of the betrayal. The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Process is for Healing, Not Fixing If you are the hurt partner: Please understand that therapy is not about the business of fixing you. This is not the goal of therapy. There is nothing wrong with you. Your broken heart is not an indication that you are broken. You re hurt, there s a difference. The bottom line is that if you have zero experience working with this population, you should refer accordingly and seek training if you want to work in this area. Providing clinical treatment for sex addicts involves first conducting a thorough assessment of the identified circumstances. You must also gather an extensive social history with relevant collateral contacts. If they can t, that s also fine, but because of that baseline foundation that each of our needs matter, they will hopefully offer an alternative that honors our need, our vulnerability in our request and values our connection. Step 4: Fourth, because we are now wise adults, we retain ownership of our need.