Or, more broadly speaking, this can be defined as: Dependence on the needs of or control by another.1 However, while in most addictions the assumption can be made that the partners are co-dependent, or at least the addict s partner had co-dependent behaviors, this is not necessarily so in the case of sex addiction. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. All humans need positive reinforcement, especially when they are working on relational repair. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. Instead of educating people about healthier sexuality, some recovery movements emphasize complete abstinence of sexual behavior, outside of marriage and committed relationships, which results in extreme pressure and self-imposed guilt and shame. Carnes coined the term sexual anorexia to describe the shame-based and unhealthy avoidance of sexual behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. The timing to resume sexual intimacy varies, but it s generally recommended to have at least 45 days of abstinence, with a true reboot possibly taking 90 days or longer. The decision to resume intimacy should be based on your readiness and trust in your husband s commitment to recovery. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period. If our partner s attempt to meet our need is not able to satisfy that need, we get active in our hoop to get that need met in a way that honors our need and is congruent with our vision for who we want to be. So, if our need was for safety, support, confidence in our work and movement/change, what are ways we can offer that to ourselves?