The biggest struggle for my husband through this heartbreaking addiction was the concept of integrity and honesty. I firmly believe that true recovery is not even remotely possible until all the cards are face up on the table. Secrecy fuels this addiction. Our therapist once mentioned the idea that it is better to be 100% honest and have integrity even if it means risking the shame and possibility of losing your comfort zone. We d like more than anything to stop dealing with the circumstances and consequences of this condition the shame, hurt, guilt, deceit, betrayal, and more. But Jesus didn t ask him if he wanted to BE well instead the question was if he wanted to GET well. When Jesus instructs him to stop sinning or something worse may happen, Jesus is telling him that, while the outer circumstances of his condition have been healed, the inner condition is still to be addressed. She also grieves the loss of her addiction because she used it like a crutch for a long period of time. Finally, whatever she used her addiction to cover up begins to emerge. This is often some kind of early trauma. The repair stage. This serious period of healing from sex addiction and its underlying causes can last from one to three years. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. So please be patient with him and try to refrain from rejecting him for his empathy statements. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. Our addict, who longed for acknowledgement and help, had been angry about being ignored and shut out, and had found sex as a means for attention and validation. We each took this opportunity to say, "Thanks for helping us survive, we see you, we will listen now, we will take care of you. We can work together without shame. After all, they thought they knew their partner and never thought their partner would cheat. The reality of the situation rocks the foundational values they have believed in and based their lives on. What is perhaps most disturbing is that they were going about their daily routine in the safety of their own home, and, in an instant, a discovery upends their world.