How to Help Your Partner Heal from Betrayal and Move Forward By Idit Sharoni After infidelity, hurt partners have so many questions. One of the most pressing and worrisome amid betrayal trauma recovery is, Who will help me heal? A woman & a man smiling, looking at each other admirably. Representing the feeling partners in the United States can feel, after finding the right guidance to handle betrayal trauma recovery. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. So please be patient with him and try to refrain from rejecting him for his empathy statements. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. Instead of educating people about healthier sexuality, some recovery movements emphasize complete abstinence of sexual behavior, outside of marriage and committed relationships, which results in extreme pressure and self-imposed guilt and shame. Carnes coined the term sexual anorexia to describe the shame-based and unhealthy avoidance of sexual behavior. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period. Physical Boundaries Physical boundaries are crucial during the emotional volatility that often accompanies recovery. These boundaries aim to provide space for both partners to heal and avoid conflict escalation. Again, this is where honesty with self and others is vital. Recovery support is essential, because trying to stop these behaviours without the support of God and others is nearly impossible. Addicts learn from other recovering addicts what healthy sexual behaviour is and what it is not. Without help to address the underlying causes that drive sexual addiction, sexual addicts are only able to stop acting out temporarily, and that only because of an enormous amount of willpower.