It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). If you were indeed able to figure out the primary feeling, you will be able to validate it later in your day if it comes up. Accountability Boundaries Accountability boundaries aim to hold your husband responsible for his actions and help build trust. Accountability is not about policing but about fostering openness and honesty. Common accountability measures include: Accountability software: Use monitoring software to track his online activity. You could say, I need you to stop acting like a teenager and take me home or you could say, I m noticing I m tired and I have a need for sweatpants (or to be home, comfort, rest stage two). Your spouse hears you, considers your request and is aware that they have a need to stay a while longer as this is their work event and it s expected that they remain. " Replacing Shame The work done that day underscores the importance of relieving the burden of shame from the recovering sex addict. No matter how hurtful the past has been or how strong the current desire to act is, the addict needs to understand that their behavior came from an attempt to cope with unmanageable circumstances. It is a state where the physical-chemical brain demands or compels one towards a specific behavior regardless of what the mind or conscience says. There appears to be something inherent in the human family that feels it is wrong to view the private sexual acts of others. In other words, the mind, the electrically intelligent part of us, cannot feel good about participating. EMDR can provide a faster and more effective results than other traditional forms of therapy. By exploring the root cause of their trauma and mental health, those affected by sex addictions may understand why they use sexual behavior as a coping mechanism and work through their issues to develop healthier responses.