Still others never reach, or refuse to reach, the realization they are addicted to sex. If the addicted person fakes hitting bottom, he is back to playing his con games. The Addict is Responsible for His Own Recovery The addict is responsible for working on himself. Others can support his work toward sobriety, but no one can do the work for him. Therefore, they learn from a very young age that intimacy is dangerous in real life and that they can trust themselves only to meet their needs. In an article titled Can serial cheaters change? at PsychCentral.com, psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist Linda Hatch discussed two reasons that people cheat, both due to deep insecurities. Counselors can also receive training and specialized certifications in sexual addictions, such as the certified sex addiction therapist program at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, which was founded by Carnes. The bottom line is that if you have zero experience working with this population, you should refer accordingly and seek training if you want to work in this area. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe. A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. Our lives consist of many things. Family, finances, work, community activities the list can go on and on. This individual universe is managed in the same way as the solar system, where whatever we place at the center will direct and orientate everything around it. So we need to ask: What is at the center of our universe? He has also served as a Bible teacher, pastoral assistant, and music director at his local church. He's now the editor of the Covenant Eyes blog and the author of Allied: Fighting Porn With Accountability, Faith, and Friends. He lives in Hendersonville, North Carolina with his wife Ruby and daughter Winslow.