Research shows approximately 40% of sex addicts also have a history of mood disorders such as depression. Sexual behavior may provide a temporary relief to a person s depressive symptoms. They achieve a dopamine high by engaging in sexual behaviors repetitively. Ultimately this may do more harm than good. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Blow number one is the gut punch of betrayal; a breathtaking breach in trust that changes your relationship in permanent ways. Blow number two is the shocking realization that your partner has been extravagantly and expertly lying and manipulating reality in order to cover up their behaviors. Recovery is also very much about recognizing that much of who we ve presented ourselves to be to others, and many of the ways we ve chosen to do it, have been based on dishonesty. It is in learning how to have real closeness with others authentic intimacy that we begin to heal. To do that, we ll need to spend a bit of time understanding the early wounds that created our intimacy disordered behavior (addictions). A partner s attempts to find safety can exacerbate her fears because her primary need is to feel safe and survive. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. It can be an auto-exacerbating cycle that results in more pain. To the Partner: My goal is to teach you how to become aware of your emotionality and identify what emotion is driving your mind state. Only after Copernicus published his model was it accepted that the Earth, and the rest of our solar system, revolves around the sun. Our lives consist of many things. Family, finances, work, community activities the list can go on and on. This individual universe is managed in the same way as the solar system, where whatever we place at the center will direct and orientate everything around it. Self hatred leads to despair and sometimes even to suicide. The journey to despair occurs in isolation, but recovery from despair takes place in a safe and loving community. This means the sex addict faces a huge inner conflict to either stay in hiding or come out of hiding. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame.