Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. If your safety is at risk, you should not tolerate physical or sexual violence and should seek help from appropriate authorities. Common physical boundaries include: Exiting volatile situations: Remove yourself when conflicts become heated. Physical separation: Request personal space and time away to think and heal. In the new book Help.Them.Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. If you find that your coupleship is struggling because the addict does not seem to be using his opportunities to practice it, you may find that you need an ERCEM Specialist to be your guide. As you read the email I received below, ask yourself the following question: Is this individual seeking pornography as a mere form of healthy entertainment, or is he driven and compelled to have it? This email, below, comes from a highly respected man in his community who loves his family and is committed to providing for and caring for them. If they can meet it; great! Attachment grows with responsiveness. If they can t, that s also fine, but because of that baseline foundation that each of our needs matter, they will hopefully offer an alternative that honors our need, our vulnerability in our request and values our connection. Step 4: Fourth, because we are now wise adults, we retain ownership of our need. If you are in a relationship with someone you have sexually betrayed, an agreed-upon time without sex can allow for some relationship healing to begin by giving you an opportunity to focus on developing nonsexual emotional safety and connection. (I wrote a lengthy article about what it takes to heal from chronic sexual deception, because there's a lot to address.