Just like with other addictions, they may escalate their behavior over time. They may begin to engage in sexual behaviors more frequently or with more recklessness. Someone suffering from both substance abuse and mental health issues, including sex addiction, is defined as having a co-occurring disorder. From this perspective, sobriety is much more than staying away from unwanted behavior. It includes a deep sense of serenity and a consistent ability to "live life on life's terms", often with deep connections with other people and a sense of meaning in daily life. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. At the time I did not understand the science and theory behind the way that we pair-bond and what happens when that attachment is damaged. I only knew that discovering sexual betrayal in my relationship changed me overnight. Every betrayed partner is dealt two blows at once when they discover their spouse s sexual behavior. Rhodes Editor s Note: This article uses terminology commonly used in the addiction and criminology fields. Josh is six months sober. He is finally feeling the confidence to branch out and insert himself in a social situation and test the waters. At dinner with some acquaintances, Josh orders a soda much to the surprise of the others. Recovery is also very much about recognizing that much of who we ve presented ourselves to be to others, and many of the ways we ve chosen to do it, have been based on dishonesty. It is in learning how to have real closeness with others authentic intimacy that we begin to heal. To do that, we ll need to spend a bit of time understanding the early wounds that created our intimacy disordered behavior (addictions). For the next six to eight months, the addict has admitted to the problem but is in shock and disbelief. She feels angry and hopeless but ultimately relieved that she has finally admitted to having an addiction to sexual behaviors. The grief stage. In another six-month period, the sex addict goes through a type of grief.