There are two key problems with approaching recovery this way: A: Navigating The Process Productively Will Not Feel Positive (And That s Okay) Processing betrayal is messy. To survive that process (and understand it with your marriage improved) you must get in the trenches together. The couples we counsel are forewarned that recovery is not pretty. We spoke to him about how we had dishonored him, understanding how he, as our addict, had only tried to help us become aware of our needs and encourage us to reach out for nurturing, validation, and support. We acknowledged that in our active addiction that we hadn't ever responded to his call in ways that respected him. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. Education about the conditions that led to the betrayer s choices and deception is essential for the betrayed partner s healing. Still, it is in no way a justification or vindication of the betrayer s egregious behavior. It is complicated to understand that there are two truths for people who struggle with sex addiction: they love their partner (in the way they know love) and act out sexually with themselves or others. If you're in the Atlanta area and would like more personalized assistance for your own needs, please call me at 404 345-1570, email me at bill@billherring.com or use the contact form on this site. --------- Bill Herring LCSW, CSAT is an Atlanta certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and an expert in helping people overcome problematic sexual behaviors that violate their promises, values and/or self-control. Though sex, gambling and food are process addictions, sex addiction can feel just like any other addiction, including substance abuse. The symptoms are similar to those who have an alcohol or drug addiction, as sex addicts often believe that their cravings are out of their control. They may return to sex, over and over again, to experience the high of it despite negative consequences.