Though sex, gambling and food are process addictions, sex addiction can feel just like any other addiction, including substance abuse. The symptoms are similar to those who have an alcohol or drug addiction, as sex addicts often believe that their cravings are out of their control. They may return to sex, over and over again, to experience the high of it despite negative consequences. For example, one we often hear: I need you to go group while still being good information for us by assisting us on finding the deeper need, is not actually the need. I need a sense of safety and support around our recovery might be closer to that need. Or I need to feel like I am doing everything I can to get to a better place or I find I get really afraid. My relationship, which had created a stable base from which I was able to operate in the world, was suddenly a rickety, wobbly mess. Here is what I wished I had known then about what was happening to me. This is the science behind the tsunami of feelings betrayed partners so often experience. Getting Attached When we pair up into long-term relationships we begin a process of bonding with one another that is a beautiful and profound intertwining of two lives. Requiring them to return fixed and ready to surrender themselves to another healing process alongside their unfaithful partner is actually harmful and unfair. Essentially, if your couples therapist says, Go get more help on your own, they are effectively deeming you a lost cause. After all, they are a relationship expert, literally sending you away from your relationship for not being good enough at forgiving and forgetting. This allows the betrayal trauma response to calm as you gain the ability to be present with the natural normal distress resulting from the discovery that the addict has betrayed them. Your reactivity decreases and your distress acceptance takes the charge out of the fear equation. The secondary gain is that you begin to apply this constructively compassionate mindset to others as well. This means the sex addict faces a huge inner conflict to either stay in hiding or come out of hiding. Sexual acting out strengthens despair, leading an addict into greater isolation and shame. It seems counterintuitive and yet it is a spiritual truth. This is why support groups for sex addicts are vital.