As the first step in the mentoring process, both struggler and survivor are challenged with the same question: Do you want to get well? This is a personal question. To the one struggling, it relates to their addiction and behaviors. The survivor tends to focus on wanting their spouse s addiction and behavior cured but realizes that is out of their control. When a Christian struggles with temptation or even relapses, it doesn t mean God has abandoned them. Holiness is something God applies to the believer through their relationship with Jesus. But it s also a process as the Christian learns to rely on God in the midst of their own weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), and experiencing God s grace as we confess our sins to one another (James 5:16, Galatians 6:2). Once the manic state is over, however, the individual may feel shame or remorse for their actions, exacerbating symptoms of depression. This, in turn, may lead to subsequent acting out behavior. For some people, there are specific triggers which cause the onset of manic episodes. For example, there may be certain places, times of the day, or thoughts that lead to manic episodes involving sexual acting out behavior. As the evening moves on, you become aware that your spouse is going to want to stay for a while longer. You might begin to feel frustrated, irritated, annoyed and begin thinking about how ridiculous this is, they always do this, does he/she think we are teenagers, what s wrong with them etc. We could say you are triggered and you probably have a need (stage one). Rebuilding Trust in Marriage Through Boundaries In situations where a marriage has been affected by pornography use, it s common for one person to feel responsible for the healing process, while the other doesn t take enough responsibility. This dynamic can lead to resentment, self-centeredness, and controlling behaviors. But if you are a person whose sexual behaviors have taken you where you don't want to go time and again then you may find a 90 day period of sexual abstinence to be a serious challenge. Any justification or rationale your brain can throw at you to undermine your resolve is likely to surface at different times.