The only way to heal is to head straight into the fire toward restoration. The restoration phase is all about finding meaning in life again. This doesn t mean the betrayed partner will no longer have any feelings of sadness or longing. But they will also have moments of happiness again. There are two tasks in this last phase of the hero s journey: reclaiming their life with a new story that includes the bruises and scars bound together with integrity and pride, and restoring one s self to wholeness. This can create more suffering because she is in that hypervigilant state to know the truth. It can be an auto-exacerbating cycle that results in more pain. To the Partner: My goal is to teach you how to become aware of your emotionality and identify what emotion is driving your mind state. My job is to help you use compassion so that you can surrender to what has happened to you and through compassion find an identity that is separate from partner betrayal. Simply put, it is one click away. The chemical cocktail that is released in the brain is of the most profound and addicting nature. The almost impossible challenge we face is the fact that most addicts encounter it very young. Young people throughout the world become addicted before realizing what is happening. It took years for me to truly understand that this addiction is very much a physical pathway problem in the brain. The biggest struggle for my husband through this heartbreaking addiction was the concept of integrity and honesty. I firmly believe that true recovery is not even remotely possible until all the cards are face up on the table. Remember to identify one of these five feelings: anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness or fear. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. The timing to resume sexual intimacy varies, but it s generally recommended to have at least 45 days of abstinence, with a true reboot possibly taking 90 days or longer. The decision to resume intimacy should be based on your readiness and trust in your husband s commitment to recovery. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period.