Holiness Means Dying to Sin The Bible uses the metaphor of death to describe a Christian s relationship with sin. This can be difficult to understand. What does it mean to be dead to sin? Among other things, dying to sin means taking practical steps to remove opportunities for temptation. It means confessing your struggles to another person (Hebrews 3:13, James 5:16). When that special someone that we have bonded with betrays us it messes us up because all of a sudden the person who is our secure base in the world has caused us untold pain and robbed us of our sense of safety. The relationship we thought was safe now feels painful and threatening. This profound and sudden change in our sense of security and connection sends our bodies into panic and lights up the fear center in our brain like a giant Christmas tree. It s okay to begin with 5% trust and let your partner earn more trust until you reach your comfort zone. It s perfectly okay if your new comfort zone is a trust level of 70 or 80%. If you are the betraying partner: Please lean into the recovery process understanding that no fixes exist, quick or otherwise. The discovery of infidelity, deception and trickery causes a shattering of all that defined the betrayed partner s life. Their accomplishments, activities and everything they considered important feels like they have been invalidated. At the bottom of the abyss, however, is salvation. The blackest moment is the moment where transformation begins. If he refuses help, you must follow through with consequences when boundaries are crossed. Boundaries are essential in healing a marriage affected by pornography use. Boundaries create a framework for both partners to take responsibility for their healing, rebuild trust, and foster a healthier relationship. A recovering addict who has accomplished these things and desires a healthy relationship may consider some factors for further readiness. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help.