When one participates in these behaviors long enough, it is as though they can no longer hear that voice inside of themselves telling them to stop. Treating Pornography And Sex Addiction Is Like An Iceberg, You Only See The Surface. Treating pornography and sex addiction is like an iceberg, you only see the surface. For example, the individual may slip into a manic state and feel increased sexual urges. This, in turn, may manifest as reckless or out-of-control sexual behaviors. Once the manic state is over, however, the individual may feel shame or remorse for their actions, exacerbating symptoms of depression. This, in turn, may lead to subsequent acting out behavior. We work with many couples for whom there has been lying and covering up of sexual and emotional betrayal. For couples who seek to heal these hurts, we know that there needs to be a new foundation built from telling the truth the whole truth. We call this process full disclosure. I (Debbie) work with wives and partners of men who struggle with being relationally faithful. Step 1: The first step is to identify that you have a need. Often, it is easier to notice and think about others what they are doing, not doing, what we don t like about them, etc. Yet, if we find ourselves focused on and complaining about what someone else is doing or not doing; we likely have a need. They should see the desire to act out as an emotional alarm going off. This alarm is saying that he is in some kind of need and should reach out. Recovering sex addicts should see their addiction as a part of themselves that they should value, not disparage. If they respond to their addictive longings by calling someone in recovery, going to a meeting, etc. The book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment says, Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing and the levels of hormones in our blood. As our bond grows through perhaps getting married, combining our homes, having children together, or working toward common goals, we become more and more interdependent with one another.