I was a young, stay-at-home mom with four little kids, and my life felt shattered. I felt completely unprepared for the long battle ahead. He felt like he was spiraling out of control and absolutely could not stop compulsively (and secretly) viewing pornography. He started therapy and support meetings, but the addiction still felt heavy and impossible. This is the most important stage recognizing that what we are feeling is likely less about them and who they are and what they are doing and more about a need that we have. So, we identify: I probably have a need . Step 2: Second, we learn to articulate our need in a hearable way. There are two parts to communication: 1) saying it in a hearable way, and 2) being in a posture to receive. They are trying to do everything possible to keep this addiction treatment information from reaching you. They don t talk about it, nor will they. Pornographers understand that millions are addicted to their material and a lot more addicted daily. The pornography industry is the biggest drug cartel in the world! Heal, I am going to share situations which I am sure you will find some parallels or pieces to relate to as you examine your own relationship. You will also see how relational skills help repair the present-day problems that are buried in relational trauma. If you find that your coupleship is struggling because the addict does not seem to be using his opportunities to practice it, you may find that you need an ERCEM Specialist to be your guide. After all, how do you draw the line between a healthy relationship with sex and compulsive sexual behaviors? Proponents of its inclusion, however, argue that without a formal categorization system people may not receive the help they need. For example, will insurance cover health care treatment for sex addiction if it is not considered a mental health disorder? What must be done when partners are unable to move past the emotional pain. Why are these points important? Because so many betrayed partners are wounded and longing for relief without proper care, validation, or support. In fact, some time ago, I was inspired to write about this because a suffering spouse reached out to me.