He needs to want what he has lost, or what he is about to lose, more than he wants the emotionally mind-numbing and ultimately life-destroying effects of sex addiction. Some addicts hit bottom soon after the addiction cycle begins. Others spend years, even decades, caught in the addiction cycle, engaging in risky and dangerous sexual behaviors before they acknowledge that they need help. During this brief stage, one to three months long, the addict s problems reach a crisis level. She makes a firm commitment to change after experiencing a crisis moment. This could be the diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease, an arrest, attempting suicide or anything else that causes the addict to commit to change. It takes a lot to offer trust and to earn it. Doing so after betrayal. Is a monumental feat. You don t need a therapist to make further demands! Your partner s struggles should not be depicted as unreasonable problems. To send either of you anywhere, wounded and alone, outside the couples session, won t get you where you want to go. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. So please be patient with him and try to refrain from rejecting him for his empathy statements. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. When we were infants, we were current and congruent with our physical and emotional needs and were able - in present time - to express those needs to our caregivers. How those expressions of need were responded to set the foundation of our attachment style. And the type of responsiveness we received greatly impacted our ability to validate our own needs and set our expectation for whether or not our needs would matter to others. Without much hesitation, Josh discloses that he is an alcoholic and quit drinking. He shares a sobriety coin with the group and receives unbridled support and praise for his courageous journey. Like Josh, Derek is also six months sober. He is at a social gathering and his friends decide to watch a rather risqu television show that everyone is talking about.