There appears to be something inherent in the human family that feels it is wrong to view the private sexual acts of others. In other words, the mind, the electrically intelligent part of us, cannot feel good about participating. I make this claim after listening to hundreds of addiction treatment stories of clients who have viewed pornography. Addicts learn from other recovering addicts what healthy sexual behaviour is and what it is not. Without help to address the underlying causes that drive sexual addiction, sexual addicts are only able to stop acting out temporarily, and that only because of an enormous amount of willpower. Eventually willpower alone is not enough. Healing the Shame-Based Self in Sexual Recovery By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS Self-Nurturing Early recovery requires a clear and well-defined sexual plan that often requires a period of celibacy. Often times though, this leads to unhealthy judgment, sexual anorexia, and fear. Desperate to "recover right", most sex addicts are guarded about their early sexual choices and behaviors. It assures her that you have not forgotten, nor are you in denial. It makes sense to me that looking at our Memorial Day picnic pictures causes you great pain Validation of Her Feelings Using the Five Primary Feelings It can be difficult to ascertain how she is feeling, so it is helpful to focus on her primary feeling (and see if you got it right). This abstinence has several benefits, including preventing sex from being used as a weapon, allowing time to observe his commitment to rebuilding intimacy, and helping him detox from porn s impact. Encourage your husband to pursue intimacy in non-sexual ways during this period. Focus on rebuilding emotional connection and romantic gestures, such as buying flowers or helping with chores. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples says that betrayal traumas, overwhelm coping capacities and define the relationship, as a source of danger rather than a safe haven in times of stress. When that special someone that we have bonded with betrays us it messes us up because all of a sudden the person who is our secure base in the world has caused us untold pain and robbed us of our sense of safety.