We are thrust into a primal survival strategy commonly referred to as being like a deer in headlights. It is the state of being beside yourself. Betrayed partners describe it as being frozen, numb or in an altered state. Being lied to in such a profound manner by your partner, lover, sweetheart and beloved feels wholly abnormal. Constructively compassionate is defined as allowing oneself to be fully present with the experience of oneself, while fostering a mutual acceptance of suffering, to bring a kinder reaction to distressing emotionality. This is intimacy with the self. That intimacy then ripples out into every other aspect of the partner s life. Physical separation: Request personal space and time away to think and heal. Third-party mediation: Involve a trusted third party when communication becomes difficult. Financial and technological transparency: Request access to his phone, bank statements, email accounts, and credit card statements. Full disclosure: Consider guided therapeutic disclosure by a professional counselor to ensure honesty and openness. Her studies conclude that on discovering sex addiction, spouses are more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than co-dependency. Together with co-author, Marsha Means, MA, Steffens wrote a remarkable book on sex addiction and PTSD as it relates to her research. Readers reviews3 of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse2 indicate that the book offers the spouse an understanding of her trauma, supports her needs, validates her long-term suspicions, and serves as an important pillar of her healing journey. This, in turn, may manifest as reckless or out-of-control sexual behaviors. Once the manic state is over, however, the individual may feel shame or remorse for their actions, exacerbating symptoms of depression. This, in turn, may lead to subsequent acting out behavior. For some people, there are specific triggers which cause the onset of manic episodes. They begin healing their intimacy disorder by coming to understand their own worthiness a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows them to risk feeling vulnerable with others, the key to true intimacy and communication. They develop the ability to share their truths, including feelings of pain, sadness or ambiguity.