Men seem to have an empathy deficit and so I found that breaking it down was much more helpful in teaching this all important skill. I have developed a formula that helps them to remember to do a read on the partners feelings and see things from her perspective. The formula is easy to follow because it only has 3 steps to follow. He did not act out because you were not good enough or not worthy of his love. You could not cause his acting out. A secondary gain of mindfulness is that over time, you can learn to be present with the uncertainty, which is a normal response that is manifested out of betrayal trauma in a manner that was not reactive driven. When I experienced this, in seconds, the person who I depended on and was deeply connected to went from being a source of support and companionship to being a source of pain, fear and deep uncertainty. My relationship, which had created a stable base from which I was able to operate in the world, was suddenly a rickety, wobbly mess. These are the types of questions that every betrayed partner asks. Betrayed partners believe that they cannot heal unless they know why their beloved cheated on them. But in the case of chronic betrayers, their reasons lie deep below the surface, much like the iceberg that sank the Titanic. The question becomes, Why would someone who appears to be functioning well act against their morals and values? The symptoms are similar to those who have an alcohol or drug addiction, as sex addicts often believe that their cravings are out of their control. They may return to sex, over and over again, to experience the high of it despite negative consequences. Just like with other addictions, they may escalate their behavior over time. Recovery support can include support groups, like Sex Addicts Anonymous, recovery sponsors, accountability partners, in- or outpatient treatment programs, counselling, medical help and Internet filters. 2. Stopping rituals All addictions have rituals. Rituals can be anything from thoughts to behaviours that eventually lead to sexual acting out.