And for the spouse, it is the loss of trust and damage to a marriage relationship. We want all of these circumstances we find ourselves in to go away. But just as with the paralytic in the story, we still have to address the inner problem and condition to get healed. Getting to the HEART of the Issue It is no coincidence that the initial phase of our mentoring program and the first 3 steps of a 12-step program are surrender. Remember to identify one of these five feelings: anger, sadness, loneliness, happiness or fear. I can see as you look at the pictures from the Memorial Day family picnic that you feel sadness because now you question the reality of what really happened on that day. It feels like I contaminated the joyful event. There is so much to discuss about needs, but what I want to focus on in this article is how I help individuals and couples break needs down in order to understand where this larger topic of needs might be getting stuck for them. We can look at the navigation of needs in several stages. As I break it down, think about which part may be most difficult for you. If you're in the Atlanta area and would like more personalized assistance for your own needs, please call me at 404 345-1570, email me at bill@billherring.com or use the contact form on this site. --------- Bill Herring LCSW, CSAT is an Atlanta certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and an expert in helping people overcome problematic sexual behaviors that violate their promises, values and/or self-control. Once they reach independence in adulthood, now free of their former rigid environment, they may struggle to self-regulate their behavior. People with traumatic backgrounds may develop trauma responses that manifest as compulsive sexual behaviors. This can include developing a sense of unworthiness (which can cause guilt and shame in sexual experiences), extreme risk-taking with the goal of achieving fleeting pleasure and re-creation of the traumatic experience, also called trauma reenactment. In those early days of this heartache coming to light, there were multiple relapses, dishonesty, denial, and an eventual separation. Tangible Solutions In addition to the help of professionals, we needed a tangible solution to a problem with a very specific technological outlet. He needed a smartphone for work, but everything on the smartphone was a trigger or temptation for him.