Sexual abstinence should not be seen as a punishment but as an opportunity to refocus on the emotional aspects of your relationship. Rebuilding intimacy can also be facilitated through daily check-ins using the FANOS model, which covers feelings, affirmation, needs, owning actions, sobriety, and spiritual growth. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, abandonment, and even anger and hate, are normal responses under these circumstances. At this point, the spouse faces a choice in her response to her partner s addiction and actions. Her response will determine whether she grows emotionally and spiritually, or whether she emotionally stagnates. This serious period of healing from sex addiction and its underlying causes can last from one to three years. During this period, the addict gets intensive therapy, learns to take responsibility for her actions, deepens her relationships with her loved ones and learns to have a healthy relationship with sex. I would like to tell you that this process could take three months, but unfortunately it will be 12 to 24 months before this becomes organic. So please be patient with him and try to refrain from rejecting him for his empathy statements. You can make this process smoother if you acknowledge his attempts no matter how scripted or feeble. Sexual addiction takes many years to develop and will require time for genuine health to be restored. It s much like losing weight: it takes time to gain weight and will take time to lose it. Many adjustments will need to be made in order to overcome sexual addiction. Changes include giving up sexual fantasizing and flirting, changes in the way one dresses, getting Internet filters, joining support groups and entering therapy. Why Mindfulness Can Help You Both with Uncertainty By Carol Juergensen Sheets LCSW, CSAT, CCPS-S, PCC You as the addict are working hard to create safety, which is a new truth. The mind is conditioned to create certainty, which is a survival mechanism. The traumatized partner s mind is on a perpetual search to find more certainty, which can lead to more suffering, and yet it is the survival skill attempting to keep the partner safe.