While the first few months of sexual recovery does require somewhat rigid boundaries, it is essential to help addicts negotiate the line between healthy sexual recovery and a healthy nurturing of self. Despite the negative consequences caused by their addiction, recovering addicts need to find ways to love and value the addiction. Instead, your therapist would be wiser and more helpful to Help you understand that your partner s pain makes perfect sense! ask your partner what they need to heal. determine what is missing in the therapeutic process so they can help them feel better. A man sitting with his head down while a woman puts her hand on his head to comfort him. The Role of An Initial Period of Abstinence In Sex Addiction Recovery Even though refraining from all sex is usually not a sex addict's ultimate goal, an initial period of sexual abstinence (such as 90 days) can be a good idea. Here's why:. A person who overly relies on sexual thoughts, impulses and behaviors is likely to have some numbed emotions and distorted thoughts without being fully aware of it. The timing to resume sexual intimacy varies, but it s generally recommended to have at least 45 days of abstinence, with a true reboot possibly taking 90 days or longer. The decision to resume intimacy should be based on your readiness and trust in your husband s commitment to recovery. If he continues to violate boundaries or threatens your progress, you may need to extend the abstinence period. Holiness requires an active, ongoing battle against sin (Galatians 5:16-17). Christians should not expect instant perfection but rather steady progress. When a believer stumbles, they should confess, receive God s grace, and continue in the fight rather than fall into despair (1 John 1:9). 5. Holiness Means Living to Righteousness The Christian life is not just about avoiding sin the dying part but also about pursuing righteousness. According to Hatch, these intimacy disorders develop in addicts as a result of early experiences in their [families] of origin that failed to produce a secure attachment to their caregivers. These may take the form of neglect, abuse, abandonment or the absence of an appropriately nurturing caregiver.