God is actually the one working in the background of your life, slowly and gradually bringing about a change to make you more like Him. 6. Holiness Means Living in Two Worlds You may have noticed a tension in what I ve been saying so far. On one hand, holiness is something that God does for a Christian. It happens through answering a knock at the door, reading a random text, picking up a ringing telephone or the most common form of discovery turning on the computer to check email. The shock for the betrayed partner is so profound in the first moment, the first hour and the first day that it is hard to comprehend. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples says that betrayal traumas, overwhelm coping capacities and define the relationship, as a source of danger rather than a safe haven in times of stress. When that special someone that we have bonded with betrays us it messes us up because all of a sudden the person who is our secure base in the world has caused us untold pain and robbed us of our sense of safety. Consider the following checklist: Is in active, engaged recovery and maintains a support group of friends, recovery partner(s) and sponsor Has grown more aware of his or her feelings and is able and willing to talk about them to others Has learned how to reach out to others when difficult feelings or cravings emerge, or when issues arise in close relationships Has acknowledged any co-occurring or crossover addictions and is working on them in recovery Has acknowledged any co-occurring mental illnesses that may be present and has sought help. For example, the individual may slip into a manic state and feel increased sexual urges. This, in turn, may manifest as reckless or out-of-control sexual behaviors. Once the manic state is over, however, the individual may feel shame or remorse for their actions, exacerbating symptoms of depression. This, in turn, may lead to subsequent acting out behavior. I'm kicking him around because that is how I feel about my addiction. I hate it and want to kill it off, that is why I am here." As the other addicts nodded their heads, something in their attitude struck me as wrong. I realized then that it is impossible to "kill off" the addiction, and that hating and controlling the addict part of themselves could only lead back to shame and problems.