Healing the Shame-Based Self in Sexual Recovery By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS Self-Nurturing Early recovery requires a clear and well-defined sexual plan that often requires a period of celibacy. Often times though, this leads to unhealthy judgment, sexual anorexia, and fear. Desperate to "recover right", most sex addicts are guarded about their early sexual choices and behaviors. Tangible Solutions In addition to the help of professionals, we needed a tangible solution to a problem with a very specific technological outlet. He needed a smartphone for work, but everything on the smartphone was a trigger or temptation for him. Each relapse into pornography was a cut deep into my personal self-esteem. When our fear center goes into overdrive our ability to think and reason diminishes quickly and our ability to function takes a nose dive. This is the trauma part of betrayal trauma. It is the enormous fear and panic response that our bodies are plunged into when our bond with our partner is threatened or severed. A typical recovery process for a sex addict includes the following: Consistent participation in a Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) 12-Step type of program, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SSA), Prodigals International, etc. Checking in as often as necessary with a Sponsor (a sex addict who is sober, is a member of SAA, and continues to work his program in order to remain sober). It s perfectly okay if your new comfort zone is a trust level of 70 or 80%. If you are the betraying partner: Please lean into the recovery process understanding that no fixes exist, quick or otherwise. Knowing how to help your spouse heal from your affair means knowing how to remain committed, patient, and present. Therefore, they learn from a very young age that intimacy is dangerous in real life and that they can trust themselves only to meet their needs. In an article titled Can serial cheaters change? at PsychCentral.com, psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist Linda Hatch discussed two reasons that people cheat, both due to deep insecurities.